So that happened..
This year was a vast improvement over the latter. It started rocky but eventually it settled. At the start of this year, I was with someone I loved dearly. Over the next few months this all fell apart. My calm relationship turned sour and abusive. I'm not going into detail but it ended up destroying me financially, physically and emotionally. It ended badly through lies and abuse. At this point I dropped out of college. I couldn't face leaving my house anymore due to constant stress and anxiety. I tried to commit suicide on multiple occasions and was admitted to hospital. Thankfully, this person has gone, far far away and I don't think they ever plan to return. After this all happened, things actually started looking up for me. I'm lucky to have few but close supportive friends who helped me through this situation.
Nothing too eventful happened for a while. I wasn't going out nor was anyone coming in. I just sat at home for months working on my own projects and lounging around, rotting. One thing that came from this was I developed my Discord bot, Poni, to be the best it could be. I also released a few YouTube uploads during this time as I had nothing else to do.
This year has possibly been the worst year for my channel since the re-brand. I've just had no motivation to produce content and the content I have produced never satisfied me. Recently I lost a couple hundred of subscribers because I have an opinion about phones. Overall, this year was an absolute low for my channel.
Things started looking up for me in September. I reapplied for college and was accepted due to the circumstances of me leaving. I'm at a closer campus this time around. The facilities are worse than the previous but the staff are far better. My tutor is actually relatable and supportive rather than being condescending and repetitive. It took a while but I've met a few friends in class. Bishop being my closest. Regardless of that, I've been getting on with my coursework and have done far better than last year, receiving distinctions on my submissions so far.
This year is now coming to a close, funnily enough the same way the last ended, with someone I love. I'm now part of a new relationship which I intend to last. I feel so much better than I did this time last year. There's no overhanging feeling of dread and I feel oh so much better. Thank you, Faith.
And now, to the people who have made my year.
- Harrison — You're such a good friend. This year hasn't been easy and your support and kindness has really helped me get through it. Thank you. You're amazing.
- Reign — I know we've had our disagreements this year but I do appreciate you as a friend and I really hope next year will be better for us.
- Sam — I've known you for 3 years now at this point. We've had our ups and downs but overall you've always been there when I've needed you and I can't thank you enough. While I was getting over them, you practically saved my life. You saw what was happening and stayed with me on that night where I broke down in tears on the sofa and wanted to just end it all. I feel like we've been separated a lot as of recent and I hate to see that. You're one of my best friends and I'd move the Earth for you if I could. Thank you so much. Have a good one mate.
- Josh — We have had disagreements and I know you've had your personal problems this year but you're still my friends and I wish we could have hung out more this year. Despite what others say you're really chill and a good person to talk to. I hope to talk to you more as the months count down.
- Rhys — We used to argue over pointless trash and now we're friends. I honestly look up to you as an excellent programmer and a good friend. I may take the piss but I do it because we're mates. Thank you so much for the support on the Poni project this year. Thank you all around.
- Faith — Surprisingly, I've known about you since early 2017. We only really started talking this year. I used to think you were a completely different person. Weird how thing's change.. I really don't know what to say. I love you so damn much. You've changed me for the better and it's been an honor to spend this new year with you. I hope we can do this again next year. I love you and thank you.
- Ethan — I doubt you'll even be reading this but if you do end up doing so, here we go. We've only known each other for a few months but I feel as if I can relate to you more than others I know around me. You're just genuinely an absolute lad and I appreciate you just as a friend. Let's get through this course and not let HCI kill us.
- Cameron — We actually argued a lot this year. Funny how things change. I want to talk more, you're a real g. Thanks for being here.
- Ryan — I felt like we were closer midway through the year than we are now but I still really appreciate you. I'd love to talk more. Thanks for the support.
- Shaun — Ah, this is a difficult one. For the majority of this year, and last year.. and the year before I've genuinely disliked you. I'm giving you a chance to prove you can change over 2019. You're real fun to talk to and I hope you continue being like you are now over the new year. I still resent you for fucking over my friends but I'm willing to turn over a new leaf, as should they.
- Ewan — Strange. You're an insensitve asshole but I still find you oh so funny and we can get along really well. I would hope for you to change but we both know that isn't going to happen any time soon. We may not be good friends but I hope this next year will be calmer and nicer between us.
- Kian — Another strange one to list but I just want to add some variation. You're incredibly funny but I do feel as if you're too insensitive at times. You really need to work on morals. Overall despite what people think of you, I like you and I think we could be good mates eventually. I still find it funny how I spent my new years watching Mr Bean and Spongebob with you. Have a good one mate.
Closing the book
This year was far better than the last for me. It wasn't smooth.. but far better. If there was anyone I didn't mention who I should of, I'm sorry. Feel free to message me and I'll edit my post. This year would have been nothing if it wouldn't have been for the amazing friends who've graced me. Thank you all so much and have a great 2019. Good luck!